Attempting Brave
To all those who read “A Picture to Precious” this blog was written a month before, I managed to misplace it on my hard drive. For all you movie buffs, let’s call it a prequel.
It is 11 am, we are at Children’s Hospital in Atlanta with Drew, for the first time in November Having just played three rounds of everyone’s favorite marriage game “where the [redacted] is my phone”. (You are never supposed to keep score in marriage, this morning I was two for three, not bad.)
Having been up since 4 am it was time for an “artisan sandwich” from the cafeteria. Heading down the hall and I could hear a voice that sounded so familiar. Like a flashback, but it was not the person that was familiar, it was the situation. Standing in front of the elevator, there he was.
Shoulders high, while holding his phone to his ear. His head looking at the floor. His voice can only be described as attempting brave. I know him, I have been him, my heart breaks for him. I don’t know his name but I do know him, deeply. I also know what just happened. The doctor came into the room holding dry erase board, while mom held their child.
FYI when a Dr. walks into a room with a dry erase board, its not good. After the consult with the physician, it’s time to make the calls. Leaving the room, the hall looks like an endless row of doors and unknown. It is time to call his parents.
Your mind is an instant replay of the last moments of your life, trying to remember and translate what just happened. Trying to find and refine hope in your message while still delivering the news. Unscripted to say the least.
Life in many cases will forever be different. It is a lot to process, grieve and regroup (because you must, you will). I thought, if I could give him advice or say a prayer for him what would I ask? Be kind to yourself, accept unpredictability and live for the moment.
Cliché I know, but it is paramount for mental health. Also, know that it does not all have to happen at once. Finally, Believe me, there are people who want to help you and your family, let them in.